Humility and guidance

Iokwe!

I've been spending a lot of time reflecting on my progress and testimony this week. My desires have also been a point of introspection. I've been comparing them a lot with the past and wondering what I've really been learning about recently, through various struggles and experiences. I'm not really sure what the Lord fully has in store for me, but I feel like I've had brief glimpses at what He is trying to build me into, as well as what the past has held for me as I've pressed forward through challenges and obscurity. 

Perhaps the biggest thing I feel I have learned is that I have no need to worry. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to move forward and what path will be best. I've felt that I needed to know what was going on so that I could be figure out what the Lord wanted for me. If I didn't know, maybe I would have messed up His plan and lost what He had in store for me. I felt like I had to have control so I could steer in the right direction. If I didn't know what to do, I was hopeless and a failure. 

A hymn that has been sung twice now at church in the last couple of weeks has spoken some words of comfort to me:

Lead kindly light, amidst the encircling gloom,

Lead thou me on.

The night is dark and I am far from home;

Lead thou me on.

Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see 

The distant scene

One step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou

Shouldst lead me on

I loved to choose and see my path,

But now, lead thou me on

I loved the garish day, and spite of fears

Pride ruled my will

Remember not past years

I have learned to keep the words of this hymn in my heart: I don't need to see. I can trust and be led. As I have come to trust in the Lord more and rely on Him to guide, rather than the little that I can see being my solace, I have found great peace to be my companion on the path I see so little of in the darkness. It does not matter whether great or small stretches of the way are clear, I feel more secure in my walk than ever before and feel I can echo the words of the last verse:

So long thy power hath blessed me,

Sure it still will lead me on

O'er moor and fen and crag and torrent 'til

The night is gone

The night is gone when the Savior is close. I've felt His hand. He's always close, waiting for us to truly stretch out our hand to Him. It's not a matter of what we have earned or what we can give Him. It's only necessary for us to have a broken heart and contrite spirit so we will allow Him to work with us. Is there any that He has not commanded to come unto Him? I know that He has promised that for those who will come unto Him, "the veil shall be rent and ye shall see me and know that I am". It won't be with our natural mind, but it can be with our spiritual senses. This promise has been fulfilled for me to a greater and greater extent as I have allowed myself to rely on Him. I have a bright hope that it can be the same for everyone who reaches for Him. 

This is the Savior's invitation, and this week it will be mine:

Come, my brethren, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters; and he that hath no money,   come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and without price.

Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which   cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and   come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be 

corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness.

Have a great week!

Love,

Elder Josh Kilmer

Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission

不動心 Fudoshin:  immovable mind

Iokwe from OK! Transfers!

Note from Mama Kilmer:  This week's report from Elder Kilmer is mostly logistics as the Mission makes changes in companionships and location assignments.  It also signifies that he has 4 short months left and I sense that he is feeling the weight of his mission time running short.  Bless you all for your continued support of Elder Kilmer.  We feel your love, and he does too.

Iokwe!

The reign of terror has ended. Unfortunately, the dream team is split up - on both accounts. Elder Smith is leaving the zone and Elder Wold is as well. Elder Wold is headed to OKC and Elder Smith is going to Lawton, so I won't be in touch with either of them anymore. 

We're sorry these two won't be together any longer (Elder Wold left, Elder Kilmer right)

However, I do have exciting news: I'll be staying in the Guthrie 2nd area (thank goodness, I love this ward) AND this area will be merging with the Guthrie 1st area! So, we'll have two areas to run. The planning is going to get so intense. I'm so excited though, it's going to be awesome. 

My new companion will be Elder Leavitt, who is coming down from Enid (no, he's not Marshallese). I've spent time around him and he's awesome. This is going to be a great transfer.

However, I am sad to see Elder Wold go. He's such a great elder. He has such good desires to be someone who can help others and do a lot of good. He's going to be a great missionary. I'm really glad to have been able to spend these last three months with him - he's a good friend.

That's all I've got this week! I'll send some more updates this week! I feel that the Savior really does live. He loves us. 

Have a great week!

Jerammaan!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking

Iokwe from OK! I'm a changed man!

Iowke!

I wonder how many times I'll actually say "I'm a changed man" in my lifetime. I hope a lot. 

The Mighty Marshallese Elders (L-R): Smith, Lazarus, Menlove, Kilmer, Magleby and Watterson

I've got very little time this week, but I wanted to share some thoughts about something I've come to understand this week:

There are two types of things in this world (haha, I always laugh when I hear that statement): things that can act for themselves and things that can't. We'll call the things that can act for themselves "agents", and the things that can't act "objects". Agents are able to make choices and choose for themselves. Objects can only be acted upon. Example: I am an agent. My pencil is an object. I get to choose what the pencil does if I wish. The pencil does not choose. It is available for me to act upon it. We are all agents. This computer I'm typing on, the car I drive in, and the clothes I wear are all good examples of objects.

I used to view faith and religion as something that made me an object. I knew that God's goal for me was to learn and progress and to live a better and better life. I thought that this would be achieved if I eventually became humble enough to let God tell me what to do in every aspect of my life so that I would live a perfect life. My realization this last week is that I would never reach what God really intends for me if I were to be someone who only could be told what to do. That would make me an object. It would look like I was getting somewhere, but in reality stifle any real progress or development; much like a child whose parents never allow them to do their own school work or make their own decisions. 

Instead, I am learning that it is less about being told and more about learning to choose. Living gospel teachings doesn't force me into a box inside of which is the perfect life. Religion and Christ's teachings are designed as a tool to carve away at my outside layers, revealing inside a sculpture that is a higher form of the block of wood it used to be. The gospel is centered on helping me to choose an increasingly better way of life - because I've learned for myself to act. Some of that involves prevention - it would be better if I could learn some ways of life are harmful without ever experiencing them myself - but the purpose of true religion is always centered on creating more able agents that live better, not foolish objects that wither away and are empty inside.

This has changed my entire perspective about the purpose of church, school, family teachings, etc. This is why it is so important to learn what is true. I am so excited to continue to learn so that I can be an agent that can act for the better, to create a better life for myself and others around me. How grateful I am for a God who give me opportunity to grow in this life. I really feel that He loves me because of that. My invitation this week to seek for truth and to be an agent enabled by learning.

Have a great week!

Jerammaan!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit

Iokwe from OK! On Truth

Iokwe!

Elder Kilmer and his trainee Elder Wold from Gilbert, AZ

What a blast this last week was. We had a bike week, which meant that we were not to drive our cars as much as possible. For us in our zone, this meant a week of miracles. We decided beforehand to text one another the miracles we saw as we looked for them and our phone was reporting texts constantly. One area in particular, that had started from scratch 4 weeks ago was constantly texting us, excitedly telling us that they were having a lesson and someone walked up and asked if they could join and then if they could come to church. This happened about twice. One of those people also turned out to have a roommate who had already met with missionaries and loved what they taught. We were really happy to hear about all of the people they were finding.

We also had the major blessing of having Elder David A. Bednar, an apostle, come to our mission and spend about 3 hours with us. These apostles are called with the same calling that Peter, James, John, and the other 12 apostles that Jesus called when He was on the earth. The same power and authority has been given to these apostles that was given to the apostles of old. This power and authority was restored to the word through Peter, James, and John, who conferred that authority as angels to Joseph Smith, who in turn passed them on to others. Elder Bednar is one who holds that authority that was restored. That's who came and spoke to us. 

One reason that is so important is because with that power and authority, they are able to teach truth. Truth is a major issue we face in this modern world. Many people seek to proclaim that there is no one truth, that it's whatever works best for you. While there are a lot of decisions that vary in solution from person to person, I believe that, as a whole, truth is a little different. I think these lyrics put it well: 

Truth never changes, no matter how hard we try

It's already been there, since the beginning of time

We can yell from the rooftops, saying "It's what we make it!"

But truth never changes

Like gravity, truth is something that has always existed, regardless of whether we understand it or choose to believe in it. These truths are things such as: families can be eternal, there is a right path and there are wrong paths through life, love is essential, marriage is ordained of God, God is our loving Heavenly Father, fathers and mothers have essential roles and responsibilities in the family, and others. These are truths that give us light to walk by as we travel through life, which is not always so easy. These truths are and always have been, but aren't always well-known or taught clearly by the world. They are often misinterpreted, manipulated, and lost. For example, how many times do we forget the truth that we must love others and look outside ourselves?

Thankfully, there are prophets and apostles once again called by a loving Heavenly Father and given these truths and authority and power to teach them in a confusing world, so that we can have a path to walk on and guides to follow.

There's a lot I still have yet to learn about what's true and what isn't. But having just spent a night in the same room as a man who claims to hold that authority to teach truth, I truly believe that what he and the other apostles speak is true and comes from God. I believe that this truth will enable me to live a better and more joyful and fulfilling life if I follow and apply it. My invitation is for you to listen to what they say* and ponder on it, considering for yourself if they could be called of God and teach truth. After some consideration, pray and ask. If asking with a sincere heart, faith, and a real intent to act on what you learn, I believe God will answer your prayer in a way you can understand and recognize. It may not be an immediate answer, but it will come when the time is right in His wisdom. I do know that is true.

I hope you have a great week and feel greater peace as you follow what's true!

*You can listen to their messages on lds.org. They recently spoke to us in a general conference.

Jerammaan!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit

Iokwe from OK! Lots of learning

Iokwe!

I have really enjoyed this last week. I've been learning so much. Seeing all of those weaknesses and shortcomings I've been mentioning has really opened up my eyes in preparation to learn to change and overcome them. It's brought me a lot of peace and joy to see that happen this week.

We got to go to the Temple, which was so instructive and helped me understand some truths that have changed my perspective on my progress and what that really means. The spirit that is felt at the Temple is such a blessing. I also found many answers from hearing from our prophets and apostles this weekend.

Yesterday, while biking, we saw a family sitting on their porch. After talking with them for a moment, we began discussing the importance of family and how difficult it is to maintain strong family bonds while the world seems so much to wear those down. We explained to them that the Lord knows and loves us and that He wants to bless our families and protect them from falling apart. It's His plan that our families are eternal. We told them that to fulfill this plan, the Lord has reached out again in these latter days to call prophets to guide us and share truths that will help our families. It started with a 14-year-old boy, who wanted to know what was right. Now He is continuing to teach us truth today through modern prophets. The Spirit powerfully witnessed that what we were saying was true. I'm grateful that it is. 

I'm so happy to be called for two years to share this great truth. God loves us enough to keep reaching out to us. I invite you to learn for yourself that truth. Keep reaching out to Him!

Jerammaan!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit