Iokwe from OK! Back in action

Iokwe!

This has been a good week. I don't have the usual time I have to email this week (fourth of July stuff), so this is going to be brief:

The main thing that I learned this week has been very instrumental. I've realized that recently I have allowed myself to be somewhat paralyzed by doubt. This isn't really something that I thought I was capable of doing, but that's how it's been. I think the biggest problem was that I thought "Doubtful? That's not me. Being doubtful is dumb. That can't be my problem".

For a long time my drive to become better has pretty much been fueled by pride. I wanted to be better than everyone else so that everyone would look up to me and think that I'm awesome. Thankfully, God has slowly been refining that out of me. However, with my previous fuel gone, my drive and confidence have suffered because I have yet to find a better energy source. So, the real reason that I struggled so much to write those emails a couple weeks back was because I was so caught up in worrying whether what I was saying was actually what was best or whether it was what God wanted. Same thing with figuring out what to study, what to teach people, etc. 

The scripture that has helped (which I already knew about but refused to allow to help me because I didn't want to admit doubt was the problem - pride is bad everyone) has been this: 

For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.  Verily I say, men should be axiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of theirown free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;  For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward. (Doctrine & Covenants 58: 26-28)

Currently moving forward striving to do good things of my own free will and be open to correction when needed. God doesn't need mindless drones; He needs courageous sons and daughters who are willing to trust in Him, try, and learn. 

No more time, but expect awesome things in the coming weeks! Have an awesome week!

Jerammaan!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit
www.mormon.org