THE FINAL IOKWE FROM OK! Truth and Testimony

Iokwe!

I've been so grateful for the things that I have learned and experienced over this two-year time period. It has involved some pressure often and yet it has been such a joy; I've experienced such joy as I have not known previously - not as much nor so often. It has come from the growth I've seen as an individual, of course, but most of all I have come to know my Redeemer to a degree I didn't before, and that has lead to my unsurpassed happiness. 

Josh Meeting with the William's family this week.

Along that train of thought, I am grateful that many of you have taken something away from the things I've learned as I've sent these weekly emails, and I want to leave you all with the best of what I have taken from all these principles and these two years.

It begins with a boy and a testimony. For us in our church, a testimony is something that you know or believe to be true, that you have learned for yourself. It's not a perfect faith or knowledge, but it's enough to believe in and that belief spurs you to action. I also did not have a perfect knowledge. I believed in a God who is my Heavenly Father, I thought that He loved me, and I believed myself and heard from friends and family that many other people could be benefited by the things that we believe to be true in church. I didn't know perfectly, but that belief and trust in that idea prompted me to come.

I don't know, as it's been a while since I've said anything on it, if you all are familiar with the expectation of missionaries as representatives of Jesus Christ. We don't come out for ourselves or based off of our own honor or for personal gain. It does grant us a lot in the personal progress department, however our purpose - as stated by ourselves every day and by the church missionary leadership - our purpose is to come unto Christ, and invite and help others to come unto Christ by helping them receive His gospel through having things like faith, baptism, repentance and change, and His Spirit to be with them in their lives.

I was just a young boy (though 20 years old) and by fair measurement am not far off from that still.  However, having fulfilled that purpose of coming unto Christ and inviting others to do so the best I could each day has changed my heart to something more than the heart of that young man walking off the plane who had yet to live this way, serving others and helping them recognize the love of their Savior. I'm definitely not trying to put myself on a pedestal; I've said too much about humility in weeks past to do that haha. It's not so much about that; I've just come to know so much good.

I want you all to know that I know that everything good comes from God. It's His plan and the Savior's grace that save us and bring us happiness. I live for Him, and love Him. I know that He loves me.

I think it's fitting to end with love - the meaning of iokwe.

I love you all and am grateful for your interest in my progress and for being involved in the journey.

I love Christ, and I'm grateful for His love and salvation. 

Thanks for all of the strength you've all given as support during these couple years. It's not without an impact - I'm grateful. Now, onward and forward! 

See you all soon!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit
www.mormon.org
www.ElderJoshKilmer.blogspot.com  (updated pictures and previous emails can be seen here)

Iokwe from OK: Smooth Sailing

Iokwe!

Wow, after this one, there are only two iokwes left. 

I've recently really been learning to let go of my desires for a perfect path and to just enjoy life. It's been a journey so far, and like every journey, it is not always perfect. The majority of the time I've had many good and enjoyable experiences, though there have been instances intermingled in the journey that have been less enjoyable, and involved more stretching and discomfort than pleasure and smooth sailing. But, I've held on to some simple and fundamental truths that have helped me sail forward in the rougher waters.

I've learned that God really loves me. He knows where I am, what situations I am in, and who I am. It's not all been easy, but rather possible and worth it through Him. Another principle I've learned is that you can't expect to be perfect - not now. This is the purpose of repentance and the reason it is an essential part of God's plan. We grow, change, and receive forgiveness and see the mistakes that we make filled, covered, and made even in the end. 

I've come to know God through the merits and mercy of His Son, and His divine example. I know that through Christ, we can find peace in coming closer to our Father in Heaven, and joy during the journey as we do so. I have come to believe in that, because I know this fundamental truth: I am a child of God. I now know because of that, He will always take care of us on our voyage back to live with Him once more. It will always be smooth sailing, with the Savior by our side on this journey.

See you all soon!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit
www.mormon.org

Iokwe from OK! Relearning

Iokwe!

Hey everyone! Haha, I instinctively said hello in English; I guess the Marshallese words mean less now that I'm using them less. That's actually pretty close to a principle I've been learning that I'm going to share about this week.

Elder Kilmer and Elder Leavitt (former companion from Edmund)

At the moment, if I were to be put in a situation that would require my language skills, I would probably stumble over a few things. I've not been immersed, so it's a natural effect. I think it's the same with the truth we learn about solving problems, following good paths, and how to best live our lives. Just like I have been losing Marshallese, I've also been less involved in some important principles that I once used so frequently, that I've now also been starting to lose. I've come to realize that I've been struggling in many "language usage" situations with my life because I've felt that I'm a little above following the basics or putting to practice the things that are maybe too simple, in my eyes. 

Marshallese Elders (L-R): Magleby, Watterson, Kilmer, Lazarus, and Springer 

No idea what they are doing.

I know that keeping the basics and relearning and being willing to live those principles in our lives is a small thing, but will keep us on the right path. Focusing on faith, hope, charity, though they are simple, will bring us closer to Christ. Love you all!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit
www.mormon.org

Iokwe from OK! Transfers! One month left!

Iowke!

I've got just one month remaining. This last month, I'll be in Owasso with Elder Ellermeier still; we'll also be joined in a trio by Elder Tureson, whom I served around in Guthrie 2nd a few months ago! He was in the Guthrie 1st area while I was in Guthrie 2nd. He is a great elder and I will be blessed serving with him and Elder Ellermeier this last month.

I just read an article while emailing that will probably change the course of what I was going to write. I've been learning a lot about growing in faith and making decisions through that faith. In the Book of Mormon, Alma likens faith to a seed being planted. 

 "Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me" (Alma 32:28).  

I've often viewed it as something that we are compelled to do. We learn and grow and have to make certain decisions based off of what we now know how to do. I've also often thought that with our own faith and, in particular in assisting someone else in their faith journey, when things don't go the best, that it was because we had fallen short, every time. 

I've learned this: Our faith and growth is like a bean sprouting or an egg hatching. It is not in our control when the egg hatches or the sprout reaches a certain height, what DNA was already in the chick and in the sprout, and countless other things. We can control, however, the environment around them, giving them warmth, sunlight, nutrients, water and other things essential for life, and then watch them grow, having controlled what we can and prepared for them to do their best with what we've given them. 

It is the same for us. When we try to increase our faith, or learn to make better decisions, or experience any type of growth in our lives, we can do our best to put ourselves in good, uplifting environments, but after that, we can only control what we choose - much of what is around us we have little say in, especially what others choose. We will be happiest as we try to be patient nurturers for ourselves, rather than losing hope as the outcomes that we were trying to force don't occur as we please.

I know God does the same for us. He is a patient nurturer, hoping for us to choose to grow well under His care.

Wish I had time for more. Love you all, have a great week!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit
www.mormon.org

Iokwe from OK! January (and 5 weeks left of a mission!)

Iokwe!

*gasp* It's a little curious to think that I have just over a month left of my time as a missionary. I spent about a full minute trying to decide what word I wanted to use to describe how I felt about it. Most of the things that others have said about their short time left are coming true for me: I'm reluctant to give up my calling as a missionary. I am excited for family and friends back at home (and some few other things, like school and learning academically). I want to use my remaining time the best I can and leave nothing behind except happy memories and move on to relief that I was able to enjoy so fully my time to serve here and satisfaction knowing that I will continue to serve to the fullest extent I can for my life in the future as well.

I have much to update on, but for the sake of time and since my last letter was long too, I'll focus on what is the best of it. I know I've mentioned some aspects of these ideas for many letters throughout much of my time here, and I feel that this is a good summary and more refined idea that conveys the best of what I've come to understand.

This last little while has been a point of learning for me. As I've gone about my time, striving to exercise my strengths and use what knowledge and talents I have for the betterment of others, I've also been balancing my perspective on my weaknesses too. I've learned to keep a focus on the idea that there is a lot of good in us, though we may be quick to make mistakes along the way too. Something my mother shared with me this week I think reflects the idea of remembering to look at our triumph and failure with a fair view:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” 

-- Theodore Roosevelt

I believe what it says is true: it's not the critic that counts. We can't be one who puts others in the dirt where they already feel like they are struggling to do the best they know how with what they've got. We can do more good than that for our brothers and sisters. 

While I've often thought it was important to not look down on others, I've been learning that it is equally worthless to be your own critic too. It is important to see the effort that is made in valiant attempts to walk the best we can our understanding of what path we are to follow. We look at it with a balanced view: we understand and appreciate our good intentions (provided they are good) with also an eye for the results and goals we see need accomplishing. If we are off, we make necessary course adjustments to correct our trajectory, and then we turn our sins and mistakes and the rest of it over to the Savior. It is through Him that it is made okay that we didn't come up to what we wanted or maybe needed to be. Without Him, correction is just "miserable behavior modification" (quote: Dale G. Renlund). But through His grace and atoning power, it is how we reach where we want to be, in balance with peace through the process - not loathing for or constant agony from what we do or where we are at in our progress.

It's been my privilege to have experienced learning this truth over the past couple years, and I do know of its surety. I am not a perfect person, nor do I have a perfect knowledge; but I do have hope for change and remission of my imperfections through Jesus Christ, who is a Savior that I do believe in. His claim of His divinity was, and is, real and true. I have come to know this myself through diligent scripture study and intent prayer and it is my hope that you all can and will do the same, to experience it for yourselves.

P.S. from Mama Kilmer:  Elder Kilmer wanted me to share a link to David Archuleta's song, "My Little Prayer."  Hope it works:  https://www.google.com/search?q=david+archuleta+my+little+prayer&oq=david+archuleta+my+lit&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l4.5575j0j1&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Love you all! Have a great week!  

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit
www.mormon.org

Iokwe from OK! Holidays and Miracles

Iowke!

Haha, it's started to get weird for me to put that at the beginning of my emails! It's been about 5 months since I've been in a Marshallese-speaking area! Crazy. My English is doing great though! 

Apparently my Spanish is doing well too! We saw a couple miracles last night! Here's another story similar to finding Patrick when my bike broke down over a year ago! (Patrick, by the way, will be baptized as soon as he finalizes a family logistical matter)

We decided yesterday to bike over to a neighborhood about 2 miles away to see some people past missionaries had left records of and suggested that we visit. Missionaries prior to us hadn't seen them since and they were from 2013, so we had no idea if they would be there, but we decided to give them a shot since they seemed to be interested in learning more. Though it was below freezing outside with a slight Oklahoma breeze (which means pretty cutting and cold despite layers) and few people were out.

But we bundled up and went out anyway! It was pretty cold. But we kept going, and tried the first couple of people, one of which wasn't home and the other said that they really weren't interested in us coming back or sharing more with them anymore, but thanked us. We had thought about a couple other potential people that had also talked with missionaries in 2013, but only briefly. We had talked with a couple other people who were also crazy enough to be outside (and said the same about us, haha!) so it was getting a little late, progressively colder, and we had some other plans to get to when we went back, but we felt that they were people we needed to see.

So we went to see them anyway! The first person we tried walked out onto her porch to talk to us - even in the cold, which was great! She also only spoke Spanish! We learned her name was Maria, and she seemed willing to talk, so I tried speaking a little Spanish with her (background on my Spanish: I took up to Spanish 3 in high school and it's been about 4 years since I've had a class, and really no vocabulary about religion). I was doing my best to recall anything that I know from school and what other missionaries used around me to communicate our purpose to her. It was a subtle miracle, but amazingly I had words come back to my memory that sufficed. Though they communicated the barest, minimal understanding of what we wanted, I was able to explain that we were missionaries, what church we were from, and set up a time for us to come back to, in her understanding, discuss faith with her. This was different that my experience with conversations in Spanish in the past, since it's really just been a struggle to not just speak in Marshallese, which is often what happens anyway. Though I was not fluent by any, any means, we still got what was necessary to set up a time to come back, and only that because I started speaking in Marshallese with very little Spanish right about after we got the appointment to come back set up. So, we will be going back with someone who is fluent, but I know the Lord blesses us with spiritual gifts, when they are needed, enough to bless His children when we are in the position and willing to do so.

The second miracle was on our way back: we stopped by the other home and the person who opened up had moved in (so he wasn't the guy we were looking for). But we learned his name was Jacob, and after learning we were missionaries, he welcomed us in! We learned he had moved to the US from Asia a few years ago because he felt God was inspiring him to do so, and that he really didn't know what more he was supposed to believe. He had moved in to that home two months prior and was looking for direction in his life. We stayed briefly to explain that we are here to help people know who God is and what His plan is for us. He told us he believed we came by looking for someone for a reason and we made plans with him to come back to teach him more! We made it back home when it was dark and later than we had planned, and according to our information line, it had been 15 degrees Fahrenheit outside while we were deciding whether to head back earlier or to follow what we felt the Lord was suggesting we do. I know when we do what He directs, we will always see miracles, whether they are just enough to get us or others through to what we need, or bigger and involving the direction we need in our lives!

I love the miracles that come through faith because of Heavenly Father's love for us. I know He loves each of us enough to watch out for us when we need it and to be near, whether we seek Him or not. We just have to look and see it, but the miracles really are there!

Love you all, have a great week!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit
www.mormon.org

Iokwe from OK! Oops!

Iokwe!

Update from Tulsa! It's pretty nice up here. I've been enjoying it a lot, actually. The area mostly involves biking, which is a nice change from our last area. Elder Ellermeier is my new companion and he is so great. He's super nice and so willing to do anything for you. He's also pretty smart and a good elder. I'm happy to be with him. 

This week I hit my physical limit. It was the day after transfers and I had recently lost a lot of sleep and was running pretty low on energy. I thought I was doing okay while we were biking to someone's home, but I suddenly started getting light headed and losing my senses and ended up nearly passing out. It was at that point I realized that I was low on sleep and had no gloves on biking in the cold and hadn't really had much to drink recently either (*sheepish emoji*). Haha, oops. We made it back to the apartment okay, but that was my incident for the week. Lesson learned (probably). 

I've got to get running to respond to a bunch of other emails, but I want to let you know that I know for myself that God really loves us. He doesn't ask us to do things or to sacrifice or obey commandments because we are to earn His love or merit blessings. He loves us and that is why He asks us to change, be more, and follow guidelines on how we live. It is the means to bless us, not the price we are to pay to get something down the line.

I'm so grateful for this knowledge! I invite you to follow what God has asked you to do, not because it's required, but to trust that He loves you and that He will bless you through what He asks. 

Have a great week doing that! Love you all!

Elder Josh Kilmer
Oklahoma, Oklahoma City Mission, English-Marshallese speaking
不動心
Fudoshin:  immovable spirit